8 Things I Will Not Do in My 40’s
Full disclosure: everything in this post is accurate except the title. I am still 39. However, as 2023 wraps up, I realize I want to be more mature and have an early start with my 40s. Sure, aging comes with unexpected changes to weight, eyesight, and memory. However, I will gladly tolerate these for the promise of increased wisdom.
To my friends and connections who don't know what I have been up to in the last 10 years, a summary:
Scientist -> medical writer-> running a meditation school -> consultant for biotech and pharma + meditation teacher
So, here is what I will NOT DO in 2024.
1. Care About What Other People Think
My time on Earth is extremely limited. Half of my life is behind me.
There are important things that I want to do in this world - my life's Purpose. I can't afford to be concerned about the opinions of others. It is their business, not mine. If I waste my energy minding other people's business, I don't have enough left for my own.
2. Underestimate the Power of Love
When I was a scientist, I arrived at a point when I no longer cared for reserach. Instead, I craved to be some kind of an alternative healer.
A practical part of my brain said, "Are you crazy? You have a PhD in Molecular Genetics and Microbiology, and now you want to do healing? You know nothing about it. You are a skeptical scientist; these yoga people are not even your crowd.
Forget it! Just try to love science again, and your strange yearning will pass.
After all, you have to make a living.”
And for years, I was miserable because I believed that voice of “reason”. I believed I had no chance in the meditation field.
When I look back at my gentle idiot of a 30-year-old self, I feel so much compassion for her. Girl, you knew so little. In just 7 years, at the time of a big crisis on the planet, beautiful meditation teachings will be delivered through you to thousands of people. The organization you will run will make over a million dollars serving humanity. A nonprofit will be created to offer this work. All because of you and your unique talents. All because you stand firmly in both the skeptical, practical world and the subtle, beautiful meditation world.
Learning from this:
I will succeed and be happy if I follow my heart and do what I am drawn to, even if it seems crazy and makes zero sense.
Heartache is a sign.
It is the call of our life's Purpose.
When we do what we love, we feel joy.
This joy enlivens, protects, and guides us.
If I do what I love, I am aligned with my life's purpose (aka, what I am meant to do here).
When I am aligned with my life's purpose, the Universe is 100% behind me.
Because it needs someone like me to do this kind of work in the world. And the pang in my heart is a call to serve. I am not being selfish by doing what I love. I am being useful.
3. Postpone Joy and Happiness
Past:
I thought that I needed to earn pleasure or that being dissatisfied was the best way to get the job done. “I will feel great AFTER I achieve something or become someone. That joy is a reward for good performance.”
Now:
I allow myself to be joyful right now, for no particular reason, or even when life is tough.
Pleasure and fun are not a reward. They are choices. Especially when life is challenging, we need the energy to face it, and simple pleasures can give us the strength to keep showing up.
Often, we need to re-learn how to live in pleasure. For most of us, the demands of our lives might have been such that we have forgotten how to have fun (the burdens of being an adult). It is crazy, but it takes habit and practice to get accustomed to living in joy.
I don't mean indulging in some extravagant activities. Heaven sees I am a working mother of 2, and my pleasures are quite simple, like going for a walk in nature.
For efficiency and performance-oriented geeks: Fun and pleasure are not trivial. They are a pre-requisite for good performance.
From now on, I will only do things that give me joy and keep things light-hearted and fun. If what I am doing is not fun, I am either not doing it correctly or shouldn't be doing it at all.
4. Sacrifice Doing Nothing for Doing Something
Past
Fill my calendar to the brim, with no reasonable gaps to take a break from "productive doing"” With such an attitude to time management, I would often be completely drained and frantic by 4 pm. I would become cranky, irritable, and grumpy. Not fun to be around.
Now
I know I am most productive when I take frequent breaks to do nothing (at least 2-3 times a day). My brain needs "processing" time to be at its full capacity. My best ideas and solutions come when I give my head a chance to organize my thoughts: when I go for a run or walk, take a shower, or lay in darkness, listening to music. That's why I meditate.
5. Allow Myself to Be Stressed Out
Past
When I was running a meditation school in 2021, I was very much a beginner Executive Director.
What I and my business partners had in mind became successful very quickly as we hit the sweet spot. It was the middle of the pandemic, and we were offering an online meditation teacher training program. Many people were home, many had lost their jobs or had extra time, and prioritizing mental health was a global priority. The first training we sold enrolled over 700 people. Overnight, we found ourselves responsible for 700 people and more than a million in revenue.
I probably made all the mistakes that beginner CEOs do. As I understand now, my main job was to stay calm, have a vision for the future, and not be disturbed by short-term issues that always arise during active growth or scaling up. Instead of staying calm, I was trying to do everything (impractical), making sure that everything ran perfectly and everyone was happy (unneeded), and losing sleep (unhealthy) because I was not able to control everything (impossible).
Now
The best mental and emotional state for me is being calm and composed. I am an extremely driven, passionate, and committed, and I learned to give myself big amounts of inner vastness and peace to create a container for my wild energy.
6. let Perfection hinder me
Past
All too often, I would see a problem in my life (walls that need paint, books that need writing, conversation that needs to be had), and I would wait and procrastinate because I couldn't immediately envision the most optimal, elegant way to do it. Projects that mattered to me stayed unfinished (frankly, unstarted) because I was too WORRIED about not being able to do them perfectly.
Now
Mayya, don't beat around the bush. You want to do something - get in. Don't wait. Carpe diem!
Do you want something changed or done? Do something in that direction. Anything. Ignore the short-term messiness. Perfection is a myth; don't let it stand between you and your dream.
"Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly"” You can perfect it later, but you can't perfect something if you are too afraid to start.
P.S. I am also a regulatory writer, and in that field of life, obviously, perfection matters. I can be as perfect as I want as a reg writer. Hallelujah to my control-oriented, type-A inner parts. The same stands for engineering, brain surgery, etc.
7. Mistake "I don't know how to" for "It's impossible"”
Past
"There is only ONE way to do something. And if it doesn't work this, it will never work any other way."
Being too narrow-minded. Fixed mindset. Too zoomed in. Not considering enough options. Believing negative thoughts.
When I was a postdoctoral fellow at UC San Francisco, the pervading attitude among my peers was that of mild depression. Everyone was complaining about how their life was worthless and how they had no chance to succeed. Mind it, these were coming from some of the most brilliant minds on the planet. People who did cool stuff at work and often had top-notch publications. Their pitfall? This line of thinking, "Very few people become professors at Stanford, Berkeley, or UCSF. I don't have much chance either. Hence, my life is over". This mindset of defeat was so delusional, especially because it came from people who had all the qualifications to do many cool, exciting, important things. But they only saw one opportunity for themselves and then spent days, weeks, and months beating themselves over, falling short of some very narrow goal. I fell prey to this kind of thinking.
Later I heard similar sentiments from some medical writers, "Medical writing is always too stressful. That's just how it is." No. You might not know how to do this work without stressing out, but that doesn't mean it must be stressful.
Or now I hear this from people with whom I trained to be a meditation teacher: "It is impossible to make a living teaching meditation." Really? It is not impossible; you just haven't yet figured out how to do it. Yet. Or it is not important enough for you to discover this, and you choose to engage in scarcity and fear-oriented thinking instead of exploring, discovering, re-imagining, and creating.
Now
If I notice scarcity-driven or narrow-minded thinking in myself, I say, "Hey, Universe, show me how to do it"” And voila! Semi-magically, doors open, opportunities appear, I meet people who have the knowledge I need, etc.
Often, it is our imagination that is failing us. Not life.
8. be Afraid of Short-Term Failure and Oblivious of Long-Term Failure
Past
I often hesitate to get started on something very important to me because I am afraid to screw up. It would hurt too much. I would feel embarrassment and shame.
My fear of failure puts me at a much bigger risk - failing to do what is mine. Failing to realize my potential. Failing to live up to my dreams.
Now
I consciously practice reframing "I made a mistake" into "It was a fantastic learning opportunity" and "I am grateful to myself for daring!"
Life is short, and I want to dare.
I want to leave my comfort zone and put myself out there.
FAIL is simply "first attempt in learning"”
I want to celebrate failing because that means I was honest with myself and brave. If I conquered my fear and went after what mattered to me, then I succeeded.