Being Suffocated by Breathing Exercises, or The Dangers of Micromanagement in Meditation

A couple of years back, I was coaching meditation to a childhood friend from Russia who suffered from insomnia. Her son was only 4 months old, and even though at night she was exhausted, she couldn't fall asleep.

We did a simple 5-minute "do nothing" exploration to see how it went, and she seemed to enjoy it.

Then she said what I offered was very different from what her yoga teacher friend instructed her to do. I asked her if she enjoyed these other practices that her friend taught her.

She said,
"No. I was trying to breathe correctly, controlling my inhalation and exhalation.

And then I started obsessing about whether I was doing it right or not.

Then I felt like I was doing it wrong, not inhaling and exhaling correctly, and then I got anxious and felt like I was being suffocated..."

It was worth mentioning that my friend was a recovering "I-must-do-everything-correctly" perfectionist (takes one to know one).

Her groove was doing things well.
Being awarded for doing them well.
And worried, to a good extent, about failing and not succeeding.

She is also super high energy, incredibly productive, and very smart. There was no chance her brain could "be still" and "slow down" the second she sat to meditate. She tried, and even though she labeled herself a failure, she kept trying. And when it came to breathing, she felt like she was failing at breathing.

So, I told her, "Look, forget all this for a moment, and let's try something different. Imagine that you could be anywhere right now. Anywhere. And you could do anything. Where would you go? Close your eyes and let your mind take you there."

A mischievous smile touched her face; she instantly relaxed and said, "I am riding a horse. In the mountains. By the river."

I asked. "Is the river to your right or left? Is it morning, day, or night? Is it warm or cold?"

She responded, "It is right before a rain, and there are heavy grey clouds in the sky, and the horse is cantering, and there is NO ONE around but me, my horse, and the wind."

She melted away in bliss for 10 minutes while meditating on this beautiful state of union with the horse and nature. And then she got slightly concerned, "Mayya, but am I allowed to meditate this way?"

I smiled, "Well, it is your inner world and your time with yourself. You can do whatever the heck you want in there. Do what is fun, what is satisfying, and what restores you and gives you energy, hope, and desire to show up. That's the essence of it. Meditation is dissolving in what we love and then emerging refreshed and ready for the world".

In brief, feel free to create your own rules in meditation. Explore. Find out what works FOR YOU.

As my meditation teacher likes to say, "There is no one true way to meditate. Truth is what works, and your truth is what works for you."