Mind The Gap: most of my suffering comes from this

I see a place where I want to be, where I belong.

And there is a gap between this place and where I am now.

A gap that most of the time seems amenable to being closed, and in some rare moments - not so much.

So, like everyone else, I spend my days building a bridge to the other side, step by step.

But sometimes I am either too tired or getting sick. And on those days, the gap suddenly becomes so enormous that I don't even see the other side.

That's when I suffer, for closing this gap starts seeming impossible.

The only solution I see is to establish the following rule to myself, "No gap closing activities when I am tired or sick". Tired people should rest and regain strength and refrain from thinking about abysses between them and their dreams.

I am experienced enough to understand why on the days I am tired, I shift into sadness.

See, when I am sad, my energy goes down, so I stop taking care of the world to attend to my sadness. And actually rest. Were I not to become tearful, I would not have stopped in the first place, emptying my energy banks even further. Sadness, like a heavy stone, pulls me to the bottom of the inner ocean. There I can rest, in dark and silence, away from the worries of the surface, covered by the kilotons of water.

I just wish I could become sad without buying into the, "I'll never close this gap" thinking. And remembered that life without gaps is hardly heaven. As my biggest joy is to grow and be used, to challenge and spend myself.