Perfectionism Kills, and What I Will Do About It

Three days ago, I found myself in a bizarre situation - I was secretly dissatisfied with my own performance at the meditation retreat I organized for 20 meditation teachers in Southern California.

THE SETUP:

On the second day of the retreat, I am feeling too self-critical and doubtful.

My thoughts:

- I should have done a better job with this

- I give myself a 4 out of 10.

- I ponder whether I should even organize such events.

-If I am not 10 out of 10 hundred percent of the time, should I even do this?

The feedback I received:

- This retreat is life-changing.

- I am so glad I came.

- This is exactly what I was looking for.

THE PROBLEM:

- I have unrealistic and harsh standards towards myself.

- My perceptions of my own performance are skewed.

-I downplay the value I offer.

- I can't receive praise and gratitude even when it is genuine.

HOW IT AFFECTS ME:

- Having inaccurate perceptions prevents me from doing my work.

- I can't afford to be held back.

THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM:

- The goal of perfectionism is to excel at doing what we love. “What I do is so important that I want to do it extremely well. I don't want to give myself any slack."

- Striving for perfection can also stiffening, and lead to stagnation and a tendency to be small.

-Practice is critical. The perfectionism that prevents me from practicing is self-sabotage.

THE MIRACLE:

My meditation teacher and I went to get lunch in one of Encinitas's many deli shops and were stopped by a stranger.

She recognized us and said she had taken the meditation teacher training we ran two years ago, and loved it.

I took it as a sign - my work truly matters, and I can’t be held back by perfectionism. I just need to do it the way I CAN do it.

THE DECISION:

I don't want to spend my life being perfect.

Whether I am perfect or not is irrelevant.

What is relevant is the transformation in the lives of the people I serve.