Choose freedom in meditation
Whenever I mention that I am a meditation coach, one of the most typical reactions I get is, “I am not the person who can meditate. I mean, wish I could. But any time I try, I fail.”
If you belong to the camp of people, “I wish I could meditate, but it just doesn’t work for me,” here is some practical advice for you.
Explore Your Preferences
Please understand that meditation is a very general term, like sports. We all know that there are many ways to be physically active. Some of us enjoy solo running, some gravitate towards team sports, while others get their kick from weightlifting. The point is, there is no “right” or “wrong” type of sport; what you choose depends on your personal preference, and you will reap the benefits no matter what you do (as long as you do it safely).
The same goes for meditation - there are hundreds of different techniques, because we, humans, have innate preferences on how to enter a meditative state, and these preferences can be widely different from person to person. So, if a technique doesn’t work for you, it could be because it doesn’t fit who you are right now.
TIP: If you are having some difficulties with meditation, don’t immediately label yourself as a failure. Instead, consider that maybe you haven’t yet found an approach that would work for you. I have been studying meditation for more than a decade, and coaching for the last 5 years, and I am yet to find a person who truly can’t meditate. Most people who claim they can’t meditate in reality simply don’t know how to do it because they never had a chance to learn.
Here are some examples of preferences at work. You might…
Hate breathing techniques, but be in love with mantra meditation.
Discover that meditating with music works better for you than silence
Be an outdoor meditator and naturally slide into meditative states when you are in nature
Opt-in for walking meditation instead of sitting meditation
Need a lying meditation after a long day because you are too tired and need access to full-body relaxation
2. Permission to Modify
Many successful meditators I met over the years spontaneously modify the meditation techniques they are given. Here is an example. You might be listening to a guided meditation that involves visualization and invites you to take a relaxing walk by the beach. Some of us would be game for that, while others might be slightly confused.
What if you have never been to the shore, and so it is hard for you to imagine such a walk? Or maybe you would much rather stroll through the meadows or mountains.
TIP: when you begin the visualization, and your imagination is suddenly taking you to some gorgeous landscapes that have nothing to do with the guided meditation (ie, redwood forest instead of the beach), don’t fret. You are exactly where you need to be. If your place of relaxation is the forest, let your meditation take you there.
There is no need to force yourself to follow the instructions to the T. A skillful meditation instructor will probably anticipate that their audience is diverse and give you a choice when it comes to visualizations. Therefore, no need to feel wrong if you are visualizing something different from the rest of the crowd. What matters is that you are in the presence of something that is enriching, nourishing, and enchanting to you. It is your preference that matters the most. Treat instructions more like loose guidance, and allow your Soul to take you where you need to be.
3. Honor Your Needs
I will never forget how, when I first started teaching meditation in 2018, one of my students shared this with me, “Breathing exercises make me sick. I try to do the correct count, but quickly lose it, and then I try to control it, and eventually end up either hyperventilating or suffocating myself”.
TIP: for any breathing exploration, don’t force or push a technique onto your body.
Treat yourself lovingly, gently introduce a technique to the body, and see what it does for you.
Examples:
If a 4-count breath doesn’t seem natural, play with a 3-count or 2+6 count breath.
Check out shorter breathing meditations (30 seconds) instead of longer. “Longer is better” is not an accurate assumption.
If you don’t like the pause at the bottom of exhalation, experiment with a brief pause on top of inhalation.
When it comes to breathing, a curious, soft, and playful attitude may take you much further than forcing unnatural breathing patterns.
In conclusion:
Explore and learn your preferences.
Give yourself permission to adjust the practice to what works for you.
Be kind to yourself. Don’t force anything that feels artificial or unnatural. Honor your own needs.