Why Conquering Fear Is Not Always Good

"Mayya, if something feels bad in your body, you are probably going in the wrong direction," my business coach told me recently. This shocked me. I am used to analyzing all the data and thinking rationally before making decisions.

However, I learned the difference between unjustified fear and subtle and true sensations of danger. You conquer the first and abide by the second.

Ten years ago, I was a freshly minted Ph.D. graduate looking for academic jobs. To secure my career ascension, I interviewed at a top-notch stem cells lab at the University of California, San Francisco. On paper, everything about this position looked fantastic - I was on track to academic Olympus.

However, after finishing the interviews and flying back home, I felt a sense of unease and fear about the job.

Back then, I was a naive idiot. I thought, "I am just afraid of the challenge. Fear is bad. I must conquer it". I then performed some mental techniques aimed at strengthening my confidence and resolve.

As I said - an idiot. I ended up in a place that, despite its success-oriented attributes, was a horrible fit for who I wanted to be. I became fairly miserable there fairly quickly.

Looking back, 3 things are clear:

1) That job was a good fit for who I WAS, but not a good fit for who I WANTED to be.

2) I was afraid to admit that a research career was no longer appealing. Duh, I just worked for 6 years for my PhD, and now what? I start from scratch?

3) I feared being a beginner and exploring what else was out there for me. I chose a familiar prison over an unknown freedom.

My fear was not telling me that I wouldn't make it in the competitive environment. It told me that I had no business being there in the first place. That success in the areas that no longer matter to me is hardly a success.

Funny enough, the woman who advised me about body wisdom also learned it the hard way. She is a retired CEO who left her company after a severe burnout and now coaches people on staying out of the exhaustion zone. The secret is to listen to the body.

My wish for myself is that I know my "yes," my "no," and my "not yet." I honor the validity of these feelings without the need to justify them or understand what's behind them. Ultimately, it will lead me to a more intuitive life with less stress and fewer dead ends.