Why Sometimes An Idea of Meditation Makes Me Want To Run for the Hills

At least for me, shaming myself doesn't help me become better. On the contrary, it makes me want to hide from myself the things I am ashamed of to avoid the pain. The downside of this strategy is that I can't solve the problem until I admit it exists.

Acceptance works much better. It seems to be the key to calmness and growth. It's too bad they didn't teach me that at school.

The other day I was pondering to why sometimes I postpone my meditation until much later in the day, or skip it altogether.

Procrastinating usually appears as "I don't have the time now; I will do it later." I am trying to trick myself into believing the "no time" idea, even though I teach others that "5-minute meditation can be very powerful and is enough."

Lack of time is not the root of the problem; it is a symptom.

I am in denial about some aspect of my life -> I don't want to face it -> I keep myself busy and make sure to stay out of meditation, where it will inevitably come to the surface.

Things like:
- I feel overwhelmed because I scheduled too many things for myself, and now I am tired and grumpy, and I have no one to blame but myself.

- I yelled at the kids this morning for no particularly good reason.

- I made promises to a friend to discuss her business tonight, and in my heart, I know that I should cancel, as I have no energy for it.

- My eye vision is getting worse, and it is time to schedule an ophthalmology appointment, but I don't want to hear the bad news.

I don't think about those things as I stay busy, but the second I sit down to meditate, these concerns come to the forefront of my attention. I then need to feel through the embarrassment, fear, and other unpleasant emotions. This requires a great deal of compassion and is not always easy.

However, it is not good to walk around feeling tense and stuffing my feelings down. Sooner or later, they will explode.

So, the technique I use is:

1. Set the timer to 5 minutes and find any quiet spot in the house for meditation. Only commit to 5 minutes.

2. Do the "It's OK" technique.

In a free-flowing fashion, I state everything I feel after the words, "It's OK."

It's OK to feel overwhelmed.
It's OK to be ashamed of yourself.
It's OK to overschedule.
It's OK to be behind.
It's OK to make mistakes.
It's OK to be a human.

In about 3 to 4 minutes, the shame and tension melt away, and then I can extend meditation for a bit longer so that my brain can figure out how to make changes and amends.

We don't have to be in a good mood to meditate. We don't have to like ourselves. On the opposite, our practice should support us in the most dire moments, when we feel defeated and are almost disgusted with ourselves.

Let's bring The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly into meditation, and allow Life to shower us with the benevolence and wisdom we so desperately need.